I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
