so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
