My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
