they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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