i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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