thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
