yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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