i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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