btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
