fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
