Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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