There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
