Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
