i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
