Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
