What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
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