I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
