And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
i now understand why vodka
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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