Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
