my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
