I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
