While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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