i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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