"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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