If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oh god the rape fog is back!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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