I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
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