If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
