I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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