there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
