Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
