she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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