Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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