well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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