Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
