i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
