Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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