She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
