I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
