if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
