Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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