I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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