I just made out with a guy for $7.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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