I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
