oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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