just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
