I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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