when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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