The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
