i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
