is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
