Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
