im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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